I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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