Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
