Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
