Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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