2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize