She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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