Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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