We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize