I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
