OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
