sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
