I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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