I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Still dying that you shit outside
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize