Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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