My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
