i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
