SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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