He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
