too bad you live with your parents still
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
