Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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