the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
