Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize