i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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