I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
