Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We're too hungover to prance.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
