I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my poor anus
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
