I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
