The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
