we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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