We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
