Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You ruined the universe
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