I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't turn off my feet"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There are leaves in my underwear?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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