I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
