She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize