I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
4 words: hood of his car
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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