I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
