they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
