I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
