The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
