What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
