i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
