How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
