Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
