Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
