remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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