I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize