So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
