My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
