Porn is love you can see.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
