I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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