Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
