that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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