Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
