I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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