i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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