I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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