is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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