i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
