The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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