i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
