the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
