I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
