grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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