This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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