So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
