Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
