ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
