i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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