I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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