Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
