My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
