Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
