Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize