my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
