u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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