So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
