if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
