and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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