i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
