I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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