dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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