she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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