Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
