i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
