we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
