I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
