He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
