It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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