got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
